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Reconnecting with those who love us, or reaching out to members of groups to which we feel strong affinity and who value and accept us, has been found to soothe emotional pain after a rejection. School shootings, violence against women, and fired workers going "postal" are other examples of the strong link between rejection and aggression.
Feeling alone and disconnected after a rejection, however, has an often overlooked impact on our behavior… However, much of that aggression elicited by rejection is also turned inward… Rejections send us on a mission to seek and destroy our self-esteem.
Blaming ourselves and attacking our self-worth only deepens the emotional pain we feel and makes it harder for us to recover emotionally. Being asked to recall a recent rejection experience and relive the experience was enough to cause people to score significantly lower on subsequent IQ tests, tests of short-term memory, and tests of decision making. The experiment was rigged—the "strangers" were confederates of the researchers.
But before you rush to blame yourself for...blaming yourself, keep in mind the fact that… Indeed, when we are reeling from a painful rejection, thinking clearly is just not that easy. Surprisingly, though, even being told that the "strangers" who had "rejected" them did not actually reject them did little to ease the emotional pain participants felt. There are ways to treat the psychological wounds rejection inflicts.
Our brain prioritizes rejection experiences because we are social animals who live in "tribes." This leads to an aspect about rejection we often overlook… Rejection destabilizes our "Need to Belong." We all have a fundamental need to belong to a group. issued a report stating that rejection was a greater risk for adolescent violence than drugs, poverty, or gang membership.